PlanetFargo: Mainframe Gaming with the Cell Processor

April 27, 2007

The age of the mainframe is back. At least according to IBM. My first reaction: Let's bring back bookcase-sized reel-to-reel tape-drives! My second reaction: "Uhwhuh?"

Here's the story: The new Cell processor -- the powerful chip at the heart of the PlayStation 3 -- is perfect for the kind of high-end high-performance calculations that were previously the realm of supercomputers. You slap that sucker in a mainframe and you've got a system perfect for managing tens of thousands of connections and millions of database transactions across hundreds of servers, a device capable of determining the fate of the human race in milliseconds. Oh, it's also perfect for running massively multiplayer online games or virtual worlds.


Of course, gaming is just the tip of the iceberg. The guys at Big Blue see this as ushering in a revolution in the way we do business. From the press release:

"At its heart, the project intends to create an environment that can seamlessly run demanding simulations -- such as massive online virtual reality environments; 3D applications for mapping, enterprise resource planning and customer relationship management; 3D virtual stores and meeting rooms; collaboration environments; and new types of data repositories."

Serious stuff! The company has always flirted with digital worlds -- check out this video of IBM getting all serious with Second Life. It's hard to believe this was once a hardcore straight-laced business conglomerate where everyone wore identical suits and sang company songs, including this gem:

We don't pretend we're gay,
We always feel that way,
Because we're filling the world with sunshine,
With I. B. M. machines...

(I'm not making that up -- the IBM songbook is available online, or you can check out this video).

But do the guys at IBM know what they're getting into by mixing gaming technology with business applications? This could be disastrous. Let's imagine for a second how a serious business meeting would go down within the confines of a virtual world:

CEO: "We need the quarterly forecasts. Where's Smithers?"
VP of Sales: "Standing over Johnson's corpse, repeatedly hitting the crouch button."
CEO: "Where's Carlson with that PowerPoint?"
VP of Sales: "Waiting for an APC pickup -- oh wait, wait, no, they just ran him over."

Using a virtual customer service center presents similar challenges, given what I know about virtual worlds:

Customer: "I'm having difficulty configuring this product."
Support Rep: "Learn 2 play n00b"
[Customer is decapitated]

I fear the future. But then again, with my training, I'm well-prepared for the new epoch. Next time my supervisor gives me a project, I might just bust out some of my Shadow Priest skizzles on her ass.

      -Fargo

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• UK VC Friday Round-Up: Fight for Your Life -IGN
• Nintendo Acquires Xenosaga Developer -IGN
• Ubisoft Reports Q4 Fiscal Year 2006/2007 Sales -TeamXbox
• Nintendo Posts Record Profits on Strong Wii, DS Sales -TeamXbox
• Xbox 360 Elite: We Got Ours! -TeamXbox
• Iwata: Wii Supply Boost as of Next Month -Next Generation
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• Understanding Conflict Through Games -Next Generation
• Gamecock Crashing E3? -GameDaily Biz
• The Blame Game -GameDaily Biz

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