Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round the Internet. Turn down the lights and put the children to bed, because this is scary, scary stuff... and it's 100% true.

Months after the release of the console, it's still hard to find a Wii in stores. A friend of mine -- we'll call him Bob -- decided it was time to get his hands on one. So he starts calling around. And calling around. He was coming up empty. Couldn't even find so much as a controller. In frustration he asks one store: "Do you know who might have one?" And he gets the tip: "Try the K-Mart." The K-Mart in the sketchy part of town.

So he calls the K-Mart in the sketchy part of town, then asks the guy in the electronics department. Bob waits on hold. And then the K-Mart guy picks up from another line and whispers into the phone: "Yeah, we got one left. Come up to the counter and ask for me, then ask for 'The Package.' How fast can you be here?"

The answer to that question is twenty minutes. So there Bob is, walking into the K-Mart in the sketchy part of town, asking for the dude at the electronics counter, and then -- honestly this story is true -- he asks for "The Package." The electronics guy lifts up his head in a kind of conspiracy nod, then disappears into the back. He returns with an unmarked brown paper bag and hides it under the counter while ringing up the sale. He barely even opens it to scan the barcode.

Bob begins to get suspicious. 'Hold on a second,' he thinks. 'This guy could be selling me a bag of bricks.' He asks to see it, and the guy behind the counter looks around, then brings the bag up over the counter and opens it just a little bit, so that Bob can verify it's actually a Wii box.

Suspicion now turns to paranoia: why all the secrecy? Now Bob looks around and sees all these people milling around the electronics department, who are all looking at him. The electronics guy hands Bob his receipt. "Head straight for the door," he says. Bob starts walking for the exit... and three of four of the people milling around the electronics department start to follow him. They follow him into the parking lot.

Bob is fumbling with his keys, doing what he called the "Willy Wonka walk" to his car. He hurls himself into his car, slamming and locking the door. People are still looking at him. He tears off for home.

Once he gets into his apartment -- again I'm not making any of this up -- he's so worried he might have been followed that he hides the Wii under his couch while he and his girlfriend went out for dinner. Only later that night does he feel comfortable enough to bust open the package and enjoy the delicious Wii action.

There you have it kids. Remember: when buying your Wii, be sure to call ahead. And wear a disguise.

      -Fargo

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